Because of You...

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 06:15:18 GMT

You Got Ugly.

Sixteen was a weird age for everyone,
I tell can you that.
We went through all the awkward steps,
acne on our face and back.

It was the time when we told the people we liked,
how really felt.
And their answer to our burning question,
were the cards that were dealt.

I remember mine so vividly, please
how could i forget?
It took all the courage inside,
to make sure the demands were met.

You looked me straight in the eye,
and told me No, No, No.
That I just wouldn't cut it,
and that you had to go.

But the tables have now turned,
of course they have turned for me.
Too bad for little old you,
you got ugly.

CHORUS

Fifteen pounds on all sides.
Hair in places where it shouldn't reside.

A smell that just won't go away,
and your tiny brain that has since decayed.

Your ignorance has certainly grown.
and so has the fungus between your toes.

The fact that I still like you is beyone me,
i'm just so dang happy that you got ugly.

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 05:31:03 GMT

This morning I woke up and I epiphanized.
Threw off the covers and finally realized.

Life is too short as you have heard before.
It took me while, but I'm discovering more.

I want to be first to cross the finish line.
Live it up and make the most of my time.

So, today I start this new diary.

To tell the world of who I am,
what I've seen, and what I will be.

CHORUS

Just last week I travelled into space.
Two days later I stared fear in the face.

The next day was just as crazy.
Jumped off a building, and got a little lazy.

Yesterday I became a tabloid sensation.
I'm the most talked about person in the nation.

Today I returned back to reality.
and finally able to see...

that I don't need to be some big shot,
walking around like I'm all hot and what not.

I just need to be...me.

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 20:02:43 GMT

I think I've finally understood why I continuously change my mind about what I want to do.

I have this obsession with being the BEST person in the field that I want to go into. I need to be above everyone and be the best. When I'm not...i feel worthless...i immediately think that isn't the right thing for me to be doing.

It just happened today. In audio lab, we listened to everyone's Station Imaging. I worked hard on mine, no doubt. I thought I had a station image that could easily be heard on any radio station, but it turned out that not everyone was impressed like they had been with my other projects. It was like a stab in the heart. I thought I had this exceptional piece of work, and the fact that others were better just pissed me off. How childish, right? I can't help it. It's been embedded in me since middle school to always be the best at whatever I do.

I had to be the best with grades, i had the be the best with everything in high school, i want to be the best reporter for the news, i want to be the best speaker in my public speaking class, and i obviously want to be the best in my audio production class.

This little bump was a HUGE wake-up call. Although it'll take quite a bit of work, I think I just need to start realizing that I can not be the best at everything. It's pathetic to even think that. It's ridiculous to even assume that. So, therefore, from now on...I'm going to work hard, but realize that the BEST will not always ensue. That's alright with me...i think.

Oh yea...first entry in six weeks...Um...

School is AWESOME! Love everything! Can't wait for all my papers to be done, but other than that...I'm PUMPED!!!

Have a great day everyone!!!

PS - Buy the Alicia Keys CD...it's INCREDIBLE.

If i could be anything in this world...it would be an R&B Singer, and Alicia would be my main inspiration... end of story.

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 21:22:00 GMT

So much stuff is coming up within the next couple of weeks. I can't even believe how fast life is going.

I only have one more week of work, I move in Sunday, I go on vacation on the 15th.

It's just crazy.

Some of it makes me excited, some of it scares the shit out of me for certain reasons.

But...overall I'm excited.

I'm just pumped to move into my apt and chill out with Kristen and Christen.

I'm excited to turn 19, and FINALLY discover the greatness that is the Maple-Leaf state of CANADA!!!

I wanna do crazy things these last couple of weeks. I want to live on the edge and do stuff with no regrets...as cliche as that may sound.

But yea...I'm at work and bored...so I'm done.

See ya!!!

WATCH THIS!!!

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 15:16:34 GMT

If you hate Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and the bullshit behind it...then watch this!!!

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 04:22:35 GMT

SUSPICION - Continued....

It came out of nowhere
it started with a "hi"
will it actually go somewhere.
or end with a simple "bye"

I don't know what I'm thinking
you seem normal enough.
but it doesnt even matter
because my guard is still up.

it could possibly
it could maybe
it could be thing i need

Your questions are peculiar
your words seems ridiculous
It doesn't matter who you are...
I'm still
and I will
be suspisious
Suspicious of what you say
Suspicious of what you do.
Suspicious until I truly
and undeniably know you.

My inklings were right,
but I still gave in.
I should have known all along,
you were going to win.

Not once, not twice,
but three times you lied.
Your excuses are shit,
so don't even try.

I was blind to the "loser"
tatooed on your head.
And I kept going back,
after all you said.

You can't possibly,
there is no maybe.
You're not the one I need.

Your questions were peculiar.
Your words were filled with lies.
All that comes out of you,
are nonsense alibies.
I'm still,
and always will
be Suspsicious
Suspicious of what you say
Suspicious of what you do.
Suspicious because I know
now that I can't trust you.

I guess I can take something from this.
A lesson or two
about people like you.

I guess I can take something from this.
An answer to why you
do what you do.

I guess I can take something from this.

My suspicions remain.
Unfortunately.
But that's how it goes.
for people like me.

I'm still
and always will
be suspicious.

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 05:27:44 GMT

Alrighty, time for an actual entry.

This is going to sound incredibly biased and ridiculous, but I've got to say it.

I've been reading reviews for Kelly Clarkson's "My December", and they are pissing me the fuck off! Many reviews praise her on her ability to be raw and personal, but then stick it to her for the fact that her songs aren't "catchy, and radio-friendly". One review even said, "Maybe she should have listened to Clive."

I mean, seriously, what the fuck??? In my personal opinion, i just think people are lazy when it comes to music. And truly, it's pathetic. They only give songs one chance, unless of course they are the given to fortuity to hear it on the radio a bunch of times. If they don't like it after that first time because the "hook" wasn't good enough, then they're not sold. Nobody ever cares what the song says, or what its trying to emote. They only care about what it sounds like. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love some of the stupidest songs for that reason. For example, Umbrella. Worst song ever recorded and sung by a girl whose tone sounds like a dying donkey, but for some reason...it's irresistable. You can't help but love it. But if you actually look at it....it's nothing. Nothing more than just random words with no meaning and a good beat.

Kelly has taken the risk to make songs that don't necessarily have the best "hooks", but at the same time are open and personal. I've listened to the entire album, and I will try to give my best review without being subjective. It's gonna be hard, but bare with me.

NEVER AGAIN - Great rock song, with insanely awesome lyrics. The bridge is haunting and its awesome. Definitely would not have been my first choice for a single, because its not that most pleasing to the ear, but still incredible.

ONE MINUTE - A definite radio-friendly song, but also awesome. The song is different with its choppy style, but Kelly still shows off her vocals with the powerhouse chorus.

HOLE - Simplistic rock song that gets the point across, and also gets you motha fuckin' pumped! A great song for sure!

SOBER - One of the most gorgeous songs ever written and recorded in the history of music. It's an acquired taste, but its incredible. Calling a song gorgeous sounds ridiculous, but it truly is. The whole song just takes you away and doesn't let go. And the bridge is so amazing...I get goose-bumps everytime.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME - A great rock song to just jam out to. Excellent lyrics with a beat that lets you just bounce.

JUDAS - Definitely different. One of my least favorite on the album. The alliteration and writing, however, is once again impeccable.

HAUNTED - People compare it to Evanescence, and I can see where they are coming from. Definitely the darkest song on the album, but still one with amazing lyrics that pull at your heart, and don't let go.

BE STILL - OMG! AMAZING! Lyrics, melody, her voice. It's absolutely astonishing.

MAYBE - another incredible slow song that builds up for the bridge that just takes you away. Definitely one that could be a possible single =).

HOW I FEEL - Best rock song on the album! It's spunky, fun, and just gets you going! The whole subject of the song is so true and real, and it's just a great song to sing along too!

YEAH - A rock song with a soulful beat. Definitely entertaining. Not as strong as the others, but still incredible

CAN I HAVE A KISS - Awesome! When I first heard it...i was turned off, but after a while it became one of my favorite songs she has ever sung! The acoustics and lyrics are wonderful!

IRVINE - Lovely. Reminds me of a hawaiian getaway. Don't know why, but it does.

CHIVAS - This song is not only amazing, but hilarious. LOVE IT!!!

Overall, her best album yet...WOO!!!

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 04:56:12 GMT

You just might see,
if you go searching for it.
The place in your life,
where you feel euphoric.

I've heard the search
can take a lifetime for some.
And for many out there,
it just never comes.

Have I found it yet?
Or do i have false hope?
If I assume I'll never find it,
I don't believe I can cope.

I want a sense of euphoria,
to pump through my blood.
I want to feel weightless,
and float away in a flood.

This sounds synonymous,
to some cry for help.
But it's not that all.
It's something else.

It's a wish, a desire,
and a hope most of all.
It's my search to find euphoria,
before I start to fall...

MELINDA PERFORMANCE....AGAIN!

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:38:47 GMT

This is the shit!

Listen to it and fall in love!

Thu, 31 May 2007 22:58:23 GMT

So...I tend to enjoy updating only once a month...which is totally fine, right?

Whatever.

Well...this summer has been absolutely fantastic thus far, but then again...when is summer not amazing???

I've been working a lot...which I desperately need to do seeing as I'm the epitome of "broke college student". I feel kind of bad at work though...because I get paid to stand there and do nothing...practically.

I've also been working OUT, which is a change for me. I don't know what it is, but working out is like stress relieving for me. "It give me endorphins...endorphins make me happy...happy people just don't shoot their husbands....they just don't." But honestly...i've really been digging it. I mean, granted, there arent any noticeable results from it...but that's not the point. I'm working out to be healthy and be happy....not to get the "perfect" body....as corny as that may sound.

I will say, however, that I miss CMU! I don't miss school, by any means, but I do miss my friends!!! I miss hanging out and talking about absolutely nothing. I miss dying out hair just because we feel like it. I miss trips to the bingo hall. I miss playing beer pong at Stephanie's house and losing miserably. I miss the news. I miss it all!

That wasn't melodramatic at all...

Oh...looking into the future...how excited is everyone for Kelly Clarkson's new CD?!?!?! I've already previewed a couple songs, and they are incredible!!! I think this CD is going to be awesome because it's a mix between "THANKFUL" and "BREAKAWAY", which will be awesome!!! I personally like Thankful WAY better than Breakaway, only because I love it when Kelly sings more soul/pop stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love rocker Kelly, but I think this new CD will show a different side of her...and its basically going to kick ass!

And...American Idol... Jordin won...that was predicatable. Melinda SHOULD HAVE won! I'm sorry, but Melinda was the BEST singer from day one. No one else beat her! She wasnt JUST consistent, but she gave incredible performances that gave me goosebumps everytime!!! "Home", "As Long As He Needs Me", "I've Got Rhythm", "My Funny Valentine", "Im A Woman", "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart"...just to name a few! She was the bomb-diggity! I just can't wait for her CD, because I will be first in line!

Well...that's it! I'm gonna bouce out and go shopping w/ ashley!

See ya!!!

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 00:12:51 GMT

Let me just say that this weekend was awesome! I honestly can't recall any spectacular moments that happened, but it was just overall a great time! Hung out with people, relaxed, =)and just basically had a great time! =)

I don't know if I'm exactly ready for finals yet, but I had to endure them and I'm going to! I just hope I get A's...but then again who doesn't hope for that?

All I know is...THREE MORE DAYS AND IT'S SUMMER VACATION!!! =)

So effin' excited!!!

I have a job interview thursday, I start working at the M-Den on Friday, and I'm going to try and make it the best time EVER! So pumped!!!

Plus...Kelly will be in Detroit July 31st!!! I'm so pumped for that!

Well...I'm done. This weather is amazing and I'm just in the best mood ever!

See ya!!!

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 05:18:07 GMT

Tick......Tick.....Tick.....BOOM!!!

That's what I am...a ticking timb bomb. I detonate at the most random times. I explode over the most unusual occurances.

When alluding to a bomb people usually expect anger and hositility. My bomb, however, refers to my worrisome and paranoid personality.

The stupidest things make me worried. I'm always thinking about stupid shit that happened in the day...and it's pointless! Absolutely pointless!

I take what people say and twist into "the end of the world." I can't help it. That's just how I've always been. Everything gets under my skin and makes me worry about what could come about.

Ugh! I just wish I would stop worrying so damn much. It frustrates the hell out of me.

I just need summer vacation. I want to stop worrying about shit that just seems so unimportant.

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 01:55:27 GMT

I'm at a loss for words.

Sometimes I wish I could be more honest. More upfront.

You'd be surprised...but I'm actually shy.

I mean...I love meeting new people and such, but I can be shy too. Everyone can. It's just natural, right?

I'm gonna get some guts from now on and just be more real. As they say on MTV; "It's time to stop being polite...and start getting real."

And I mean real in a totally different sense than what you're thinking of...probably.

I mean real in the realm of relationships. If I like somebody...I'm just gonna go for it from now on...maybe. It might work. Up until now, I've been such a wussy about shit like that.

Maybe I need like a dating coach or something.

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:45:42 GMT

I've decided...

I need to move the hell of campus!

I want to get an apartment...a house...anything!

I want to have a beer pong table in my living room.

I want my own room, and I want to live with my friends!

That's what I want.

Is that too much to ask for?

But this stupid scholarship says I have to live on campus for two years. I'm gonna see if there is anything I can do about that. Maybe I can work my magic...

Also...living in these dorms just makes me feel suffocated.

Fuck that stupid RA position piece of shit. If they didn't want me to begin with...then I'm just gonna take it as a sign. Besides...did i actually think I'd be a good RA??? Let's get real...

Other than that...I'm so excited and hostile at the same time! This weather is so amazing its TOO good to be true. On the negative side...I'm being suffocated...YIKES! Not physically...but emotionally. Can't take it anymore.

Well...I'm out. I have homework and shit...BOO!

See ya!!!

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 17:12:34 GMT

Bitterness, envy, and downright anger.

Is there anything wrong with that?

Big headed, cocky, and arrogant.

There's something wrong with that.

Finding the middle is where it becomes confusing.

Finding where you want to be is not easy by any means.

Today made me angry. It made me envious. It fucking pissed me the hell off.

And some of the things I said may have sounded arrogant to some, but to me...they were necessary. They were a release and they felt fucking great.

I thought I was over it...but I'm not.

I think I get over things...but I never really do. They just get pushed back into unimportance because something else comes up. But when they're brought back, like today, the bitterness emerges once again, and I become angry and hostile.

Not my favorite way to be.

Do you honestly think you get OVER things? I sure as hell don't. It's just a hoax.

When are we really OVER something? When are we really "okay" with something being the way it is, when WE hate the way that it is?

This is getting confusing...I'm done.

FOOOOOOD!

See ya!!!

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:48:26 GMT

Spring Break was...needed!

After looking back on it...I did absolutely fucking nothing...which means it was AMAZING!!!

I got to bond with a lot of people I havn't seen in a while, and I also didn't get to see a lot of people I did want to see. Win some lose some...right? Lifeeeeee...

I've become insanely obsessed with P!NK and her new CD "I'm Not Dead". I've always enjoyed PINK's songs, but I never knew how awesome she was until I listened to her WHOLE CD. Her voice is incredible, her music is awesome, and she is the SHIT!

Speaking of PINK, I saw her last night w/ Justin Timberlake at the Joe! PINK was fucking awesome!!! She sounded like her CD, she was energetic, looked great, and put on an awesome show! AND SHE DOES ACROBATICS!!! I was amazed!

JT then came on the stage and he put on one HELL of a show!!! His stage, dancers, songs, and the whole performance in general was just incredible! He's definitely an entertainer, and I gained a lot of respect for him after last night! =)

But yea...life has been good. Chillin' out, having fun, and just relaxing. But...now it's time to get back to work and buckle down! I've got to get to work before all this shit starts piling on top of itself...yikes!

Well...I'm out! It's bed time and I'm tired as hell!

See ya!!!

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 01:54:09 GMT

Melinda Doolittle is the BEST contestant on idol!!! My goodness!!! I'm obsessed!!!

Ever since her first audition I knew she was gonna go far...She is the SHIT!!!

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 04:00:30 GMT

Oh Friday...Spring Break...Can not wait...So excited!

Voice...Come Back...Dying without you...Please...Please...Please.

Life is going good right now. I can not complain at all.

I like where I'm at right now. It's do-able.

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 22:52:55 GMT

My voice is still gone.

What the hell???

This is pissing me off immensely!

If it isn't back tomorrow, and I have to skip the news again...I WILL BE LIVID!!!

That's the end of my story....

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 15:13:36 GMT

JENNIFER HUDSON/J-HUD WON THE OSCAR!!!

She totally deserved it and I am so damn excited!!! =)

So, please J-Hud...keep on doing what you do because you're amazing!

That's all.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 04:13:26 GMT

Anxious...

Anticipation....

Nervous...

Gross...

Disgusted...

Angry...

Hostile...

And so many others...

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 06:41:14 GMT

Happy Valentine's Day!

I had a great day because Ashley made everyone an amazing sghetti dinner!!! =) Thank you, Ashley!!!

...
...
...

Now, for the angry side of me.

My patience is deteriorating at a rapid rate, and I am losing my mother fucking mind! I feel suffocated everytime I step foot into the dreaded hall known as Troutman. All of my suppressed anger is slowly coming out because of an atrocious incident that occurred this weekend.

For those of you who don't happen to know.............

I went home this weekend, and returned to see a stain on my mattress pad and an empty condom wrapper in my bed post. That's right! Some disrespectful skank ass mother fucking cunt bitch ass slut whore had sex in my bed!!! Pissed??? Yes...I was. But, this one incident began to engender more hostile feelings within me, and I then became even more pissed than I was initially. So...in other words...I'm losing my mother fucking mind as I type this...

I need privacy. I need my space. I can't live like this. With people always in my business, hearing every word I say, watching everything I do. It's a little sadistic if you ask me.

Whichever archetect designed these dreaded buildings was obviously either really angry at the world or a heavy drug user. Either option seems to be correct.

Yep...my mind...I'm losing it...not good...going crazy...need a break...ahhhhh...

Well...that's the end of it all. Let's review......I hate dirty ass mother fucking skanks, i hate disrepectful people who care about nothing but themselves, i hate people who don't know how to take a hint, i hate people who can't accept their wrong when they know damn well that they are wrong, and i hate people who are just plain ignorant.

Well...that's gonna do it for me...I'm going to bed because I've got an early class tomorrow.

See ya!!!

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 06:57:53 GMT

So...I just watched three episodes of Grey's Anatomy...

AND IM FREAKING OUT!!!

If Meredith dies so help me...I WILL BE PISSED!!!

That show is too good! Season three started out kind of boring...but now it is GOOD!!!

Well...its fucking 2:00 in the morning, and I've got a full day ahead of me.

Good night!

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:48:22 GMT

Seriously???

Seriously...

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 15:47:49 GMT

You know when you dislike people for no apparent reason...

Well...I do! Well, there's actually quite a few reasons, but for the most part its just extreme dislike for no reason.

I'm really excited to go home this weekend, because I need a break from everything! Yea, its only been three weeks since I've been home, but I need to go home and just have mother fucking privacy!!!

I don't why I'm so angry right now, but I just am.

Second dress rehearsal for the news today! Let's hope today goes a little bit smoother than monday...yikes! =)