I think I've finally understood why I continuously change my mind about what I want to do.
I have this obsession with being the BEST person in the field that I want to go into. I need to be above everyone and be the best. When I'm not...i feel worthless...i immediately think that isn't the right thing for me to be doing.
It just happened today. In audio lab, we listened to everyone's Station Imaging. I worked hard on mine, no doubt. I thought I had a station image that could easily be heard on any radio station, but it turned out that not everyone was impressed like they had been with my other projects. It was like a stab in the heart. I thought I had this exceptional piece of work, and the fact that others were better just pissed me off. How childish, right? I can't help it. It's been embedded in me since middle school to always be the best at whatever I do.
I had to be the best with grades, i had the be the best with everything in high school, i want to be the best reporter for the news, i want to be the best speaker in my public speaking class, and i obviously want to be the best in my audio production class.
This little bump was a HUGE wake-up call. Although it'll take quite a bit of work, I think I just need to start realizing that I can not be the best at everything. It's pathetic to even think that. It's ridiculous to even assume that. So, therefore, from now on...I'm going to work hard, but realize that the BEST will not always ensue. That's alright with me...i think.
Oh yea...first entry in six weeks...Um...
School is AWESOME! Love everything! Can't wait for all my papers to be done, but other than that...I'm PUMPED!!!
Have a great day everyone!!!
PS - Buy the Alicia Keys CD...it's INCREDIBLE.
If i could be anything in this world...it would be an R&B Singer, and Alicia would be my main inspiration... end of story.
It came out of nowhere it started with a "hi" will it actually go somewhere. or end with a simple "bye"
I don't know what I'm thinking you seem normal enough. but it doesnt even matter because my guard is still up.
it could possibly it could maybe it could be thing i need
Your questions are peculiar your words seems ridiculous It doesn't matter who you are... I'm still and I will be suspisious Suspicious of what you say Suspicious of what you do. Suspicious until I truly and undeniably know you.
My inklings were right, but I still gave in. I should have known all along, you were going to win.
Not once, not twice, but three times you lied. Your excuses are shit, so don't even try.
I was blind to the "loser" tatooed on your head. And I kept going back, after all you said.
You can't possibly, there is no maybe. You're not the one I need.
Your questions were peculiar. Your words were filled with lies. All that comes out of you, are nonsense alibies. I'm still, and always will be Suspsicious Suspicious of what you say Suspicious of what you do. Suspicious because I know now that I can't trust you.
I guess I can take something from this. A lesson or two about people like you.
I guess I can take something from this. An answer to why you do what you do.
I guess I can take something from this.
My suspicions remain. Unfortunately. But that's how it goes. for people like me.
This is going to sound incredibly biased and ridiculous, but I've got to say it.
I've been reading reviews for Kelly Clarkson's "My December", and they are pissing me the fuck off! Many reviews praise her on her ability to be raw and personal, but then stick it to her for the fact that her songs aren't "catchy, and radio-friendly". One review even said, "Maybe she should have listened to Clive."
I mean, seriously, what the fuck??? In my personal opinion, i just think people are lazy when it comes to music. And truly, it's pathetic. They only give songs one chance, unless of course they are the given to fortuity to hear it on the radio a bunch of times. If they don't like it after that first time because the "hook" wasn't good enough, then they're not sold. Nobody ever cares what the song says, or what its trying to emote. They only care about what it sounds like. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love some of the stupidest songs for that reason. For example, Umbrella. Worst song ever recorded and sung by a girl whose tone sounds like a dying donkey, but for some reason...it's irresistable. You can't help but love it. But if you actually look at it....it's nothing. Nothing more than just random words with no meaning and a good beat.
Kelly has taken the risk to make songs that don't necessarily have the best "hooks", but at the same time are open and personal. I've listened to the entire album, and I will try to give my best review without being subjective. It's gonna be hard, but bare with me.
NEVER AGAIN - Great rock song, with insanely awesome lyrics. The bridge is haunting and its awesome. Definitely would not have been my first choice for a single, because its not that most pleasing to the ear, but still incredible.
ONE MINUTE - A definite radio-friendly song, but also awesome. The song is different with its choppy style, but Kelly still shows off her vocals with the powerhouse chorus.
HOLE - Simplistic rock song that gets the point across, and also gets you motha fuckin' pumped! A great song for sure!
SOBER - One of the most gorgeous songs ever written and recorded in the history of music. It's an acquired taste, but its incredible. Calling a song gorgeous sounds ridiculous, but it truly is. The whole song just takes you away and doesn't let go. And the bridge is so amazing...I get goose-bumps everytime.
DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME - A great rock song to just jam out to. Excellent lyrics with a beat that lets you just bounce.
JUDAS - Definitely different. One of my least favorite on the album. The alliteration and writing, however, is once again impeccable.
HAUNTED - People compare it to Evanescence, and I can see where they are coming from. Definitely the darkest song on the album, but still one with amazing lyrics that pull at your heart, and don't let go.
BE STILL - OMG! AMAZING! Lyrics, melody, her voice. It's absolutely astonishing.
MAYBE - another incredible slow song that builds up for the bridge that just takes you away. Definitely one that could be a possible single =).
HOW I FEEL - Best rock song on the album! It's spunky, fun, and just gets you going! The whole subject of the song is so true and real, and it's just a great song to sing along too!
YEAH - A rock song with a soulful beat. Definitely entertaining. Not as strong as the others, but still incredible
CAN I HAVE A KISS - Awesome! When I first heard it...i was turned off, but after a while it became one of my favorite songs she has ever sung! The acoustics and lyrics are wonderful!
IRVINE - Lovely. Reminds me of a hawaiian getaway. Don't know why, but it does.
CHIVAS - This song is not only amazing, but hilarious. LOVE IT!!!
So...I tend to enjoy updating only once a month...which is totally fine, right?
Whatever.
Well...this summer has been absolutely fantastic thus far, but then again...when is summer not amazing???
I've been working a lot...which I desperately need to do seeing as I'm the epitome of "broke college student". I feel kind of bad at work though...because I get paid to stand there and do nothing...practically.
I've also been working OUT, which is a change for me. I don't know what it is, but working out is like stress relieving for me. "It give me endorphins...endorphins make me happy...happy people just don't shoot their husbands....they just don't." But honestly...i've really been digging it. I mean, granted, there arent any noticeable results from it...but that's not the point. I'm working out to be healthy and be happy....not to get the "perfect" body....as corny as that may sound.
I will say, however, that I miss CMU! I don't miss school, by any means, but I do miss my friends!!! I miss hanging out and talking about absolutely nothing. I miss dying out hair just because we feel like it. I miss trips to the bingo hall. I miss playing beer pong at Stephanie's house and losing miserably. I miss the news. I miss it all!
That wasn't melodramatic at all...
Oh...looking into the future...how excited is everyone for Kelly Clarkson's new CD?!?!?! I've already previewed a couple songs, and they are incredible!!! I think this CD is going to be awesome because it's a mix between "THANKFUL" and "BREAKAWAY", which will be awesome!!! I personally like Thankful WAY better than Breakaway, only because I love it when Kelly sings more soul/pop stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love rocker Kelly, but I think this new CD will show a different side of her...and its basically going to kick ass!
And...American Idol... Jordin won...that was predicatable. Melinda SHOULD HAVE won! I'm sorry, but Melinda was the BEST singer from day one. No one else beat her! She wasnt JUST consistent, but she gave incredible performances that gave me goosebumps everytime!!! "Home", "As Long As He Needs Me", "I've Got Rhythm", "My Funny Valentine", "Im A Woman", "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart"...just to name a few! She was the bomb-diggity! I just can't wait for her CD, because I will be first in line!
Well...that's it! I'm gonna bouce out and go shopping w/ ashley!
Let me just say that this weekend was awesome! I honestly can't recall any spectacular moments that happened, but it was just overall a great time! Hung out with people, relaxed, =)and just basically had a great time! =)
I don't know if I'm exactly ready for finals yet, but I had to endure them and I'm going to! I just hope I get A's...but then again who doesn't hope for that?
All I know is...THREE MORE DAYS AND IT'S SUMMER VACATION!!! =)
So effin' excited!!!
I have a job interview thursday, I start working at the M-Den on Friday, and I'm going to try and make it the best time EVER! So pumped!!!
Plus...Kelly will be in Detroit July 31st!!! I'm so pumped for that!
Well...I'm done. This weather is amazing and I'm just in the best mood ever!
That's what I am...a ticking timb bomb. I detonate at the most random times. I explode over the most unusual occurances.
When alluding to a bomb people usually expect anger and hositility. My bomb, however, refers to my worrisome and paranoid personality.
The stupidest things make me worried. I'm always thinking about stupid shit that happened in the day...and it's pointless! Absolutely pointless!
I take what people say and twist into "the end of the world." I can't help it. That's just how I've always been. Everything gets under my skin and makes me worry about what could come about.
Ugh! I just wish I would stop worrying so damn much. It frustrates the hell out of me.
I just need summer vacation. I want to stop worrying about shit that just seems so unimportant.
Sometimes I wish I could be more honest. More upfront.
You'd be surprised...but I'm actually shy.
I mean...I love meeting new people and such, but I can be shy too. Everyone can. It's just natural, right?
I'm gonna get some guts from now on and just be more real. As they say on MTV; "It's time to stop being polite...and start getting real."
And I mean real in a totally different sense than what you're thinking of...probably.
I mean real in the realm of relationships. If I like somebody...I'm just gonna go for it from now on...maybe. It might work. Up until now, I've been such a wussy about shit like that.
I want to have a beer pong table in my living room.
I want my own room, and I want to live with my friends!
That's what I want.
Is that too much to ask for?
But this stupid scholarship says I have to live on campus for two years. I'm gonna see if there is anything I can do about that. Maybe I can work my magic...
Also...living in these dorms just makes me feel suffocated.
Fuck that stupid RA position piece of shit. If they didn't want me to begin with...then I'm just gonna take it as a sign. Besides...did i actually think I'd be a good RA??? Let's get real...
Other than that...I'm so excited and hostile at the same time! This weather is so amazing its TOO good to be true. On the negative side...I'm being suffocated...YIKES! Not physically...but emotionally. Can't take it anymore.
Finding where you want to be is not easy by any means.
Today made me angry. It made me envious. It fucking pissed me the hell off.
And some of the things I said may have sounded arrogant to some, but to me...they were necessary. They were a release and they felt fucking great.
I thought I was over it...but I'm not.
I think I get over things...but I never really do. They just get pushed back into unimportance because something else comes up. But when they're brought back, like today, the bitterness emerges once again, and I become angry and hostile.
Not my favorite way to be.
Do you honestly think you get OVER things? I sure as hell don't. It's just a hoax.
When are we really OVER something? When are we really "okay" with something being the way it is, when WE hate the way that it is?
The One That Got Away - P!NK! ..........DOWNLOAD THIS SONG!!
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Spring Break was...needed!
After looking back on it...I did absolutely fucking nothing...which means it was AMAZING!!!
I got to bond with a lot of people I havn't seen in a while, and I also didn't get to see a lot of people I did want to see. Win some lose some...right? Lifeeeeee...
I've become insanely obsessed with P!NK and her new CD "I'm Not Dead". I've always enjoyed PINK's songs, but I never knew how awesome she was until I listened to her WHOLE CD. Her voice is incredible, her music is awesome, and she is the SHIT!
Speaking of PINK, I saw her last night w/ Justin Timberlake at the Joe! PINK was fucking awesome!!! She sounded like her CD, she was energetic, looked great, and put on an awesome show! AND SHE DOES ACROBATICS!!! I was amazed!
JT then came on the stage and he put on one HELL of a show!!! His stage, dancers, songs, and the whole performance in general was just incredible! He's definitely an entertainer, and I gained a lot of respect for him after last night! =)
But yea...life has been good. Chillin' out, having fun, and just relaxing. But...now it's time to get back to work and buckle down! I've got to get to work before all this shit starts piling on top of itself...yikes!
Well...I'm out! It's bed time and I'm tired as hell!
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